You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
