haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
