remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
