He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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