Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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