I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
