TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
