His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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