it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize