My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
