you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
