That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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