so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize