I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
