Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
