does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
