take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
