im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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