I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
