A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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