so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize