Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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