How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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