The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
