Fuck appropriateness.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
