mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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