Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
