Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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