you win again, gameday.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
