cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
