I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
