Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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