omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
