Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
