the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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