I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
