I can't breathe out the right side of my face
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
