I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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