This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize