u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina is officially offended.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
