Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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