I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
