So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
