I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
