i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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