you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize