I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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