so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was born a porn star she said
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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