shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
