All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
