just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish you could order shots online.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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