so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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