apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
