The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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