I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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