Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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