Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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