I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
