I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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