He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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