ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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