I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
