i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
