can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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