i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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