Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
