i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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