How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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