they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
