There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Two words: nipple clamps
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