You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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