Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
