if only i could text you this smell
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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