I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
