Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
