You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
