It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
