You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
