need another drink. this is the easiest way
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
